Dr. Idiot and the Grammar Queen

Dear Journal, I have a question for you.

What do you call a loathsome scandalous raunchy woman with a black infected poisonous heart with mutated maggots escaping out of the deep rooted crevices of shame and deceit?

Jenny - my ex-wife.


I sent Jenny a text asking for some school uniforms. Below is our text conversation. It is difficult to follow her texts, and believe me that is exactly how they were sent - it took me about 37 minutes to try and properly type out exactly what she said so I could write to you today. It took me so long because I kept spelling the words correctly. My bad.:

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Me:
Can you pack school clothes for Becky with socks? Thanks

Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
We will be at the boardwalk all day then i will drop her off....tomorrow i will try to bring them...she has a cough...just started it...so watch her tnight and give her meds if neede....i will not have another episode like last time taking her t the er. We will b there at 6

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Some background so you can better understand the texts.

About three months ago, Becky (our youngest) fell ill with flu like symptoms. I put my record shattering employee of the year award dream on hold as I stayed home with her for two days. She had a temperature but it was stable and she was holding down her fluids. When her mom came to pick her up in the evening after work, I told her that we should call the doctor in the morning if her fever hadn't broke. Well her mom freaked out and decided to take her to the Emergency Room. I told her she doesn't need to go the Emergency Room. She told me she was taking her no matter what I said and that was that.

Turns out Becky had Swine Flu. So because Satan's Mistress thinks that Swine Flu is Hitler with a personal vendetta out for our children she felt vindicated in taking her to ER and told me I should thank her.

Why should I thank someone for taking her to ER when you're not supposed to? Anyways...

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Me:
You don't give cough medicine to children and you don't take kids to ER for flu symptoms, but as always, I will take care of Becky

Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
U dont give children cough meds...but sane people do...she is fine taking kids cough meds and um hello she had the swine flu u idiot! U do take kids in to the er..just for that reason! God ur stupid! I cant trust u with becky...i cant...

No leave us alone.....U r such an idiot!

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Really? I'm the idiot? So then why did medical news today say don't take your kids to ER for Swine Flu? They must be idiots too.

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Me:
Cough and cold medicine are no longer recommended by most major medical organization as they have been responsible for the deaths of many children.


Swine flu was only a life & death issue for people with chronic medical conditions - maybe you should educate yourself.


Links:
KAPOW!
ZOK!!!!
WHAM!!!
SPLOOSH!!!

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That's right. I bitched slapped her old school Batman style baby.

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Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
Maybe u shld....u r an idiot... I will not allow becky to suffer unlike u! U allowed her to for days...oh she has the swine flu!Go kick rocks u idiot!


No leave me alone let me enjoy my day with her dr. Rex...hahahahah dr.idiot is more ike it!

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Whew... that was difficult. Let me try to translate what she was saying.

For those of you who do not live in the Ghetto, who's I.Q. has dropped since leaving me, and currently has a 3rd world boyfriend, not to mention not having higher than a 10th grade education even in today's society - let me retype the text messages out.

Only this time, I will take the liberty to translate the text into English:

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Me:
Can you pack school clothes for Becky with socks? Thanks

Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
I will ignore the beautiful daughter whom was produced by your mighty sperm as she is coughing so I can take her to the beach where it is windy and cold. I will attempt to drag my lazy ass out of bed and wonder away from my flea infested boyfriend so I can drop off clothes that I have obviously stolen from you. I have not paid attention to the news for over 4 years as they have discussed the dangers of cough medicine as I have continuously lied and cheated on you like a 5 cent hooker, so please give her cough medicine. I would prefer to not make the same mistake again by taking her to the Emergency Room, but I will if I have to. We will arrive at your humble residence by 6pm.


Me:
You don't give cough medicine to children and you don't take kids to ER for flu symptoms, but as always, I will take care of Becky

Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
People that actually have an IQ higher than lice found on my boyfriends pubic hair do not give their children cough medicine. However, I do. Becky had Influenza A (H1N1) virus which is a subtype of influenza A virus and it only takes a few minutes to look up the symptoms, mortality rate, and treatment to realize that it's no different from the common flu, but that is why you take them to ER, so those that really need emergency care can get infected. God you are stupid.

Please leave us alone so we can continue our day at the windy cold shores of the ocean while our daughter has a cough.

Me:
Cough and cold medicine are no longer recommended by most major medical organization as they have been responsible for the deaths of many children.


Swine flu was only a life & death issue for people with chronic medical conditions - maybe you should educate yourself.

Links:
KAPOW!
ZOK!!!!
WHAM!!!
SPLOOSH!!!


Grammar Queen (aka Satan's Mistress):
Maybe u shld....u r an idiot... I will not allow becky to suffer unlike u! U allowed her to for days...oh she has the swine flu!Go kick rocks u idiot!


No leave me alone let me enjoy my day with her dr. Rex...hahahahah dr.idiot is more ike it!

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Even with my vast knowledge of ghetto talk, the last message was impossible to translate.


How can someone be so dumb? How does she manage to put her clothes on? We already know she is great at taking them off for just anyone who walks by. Maybe she can't type a complete thought because her juicy meat stick of a finger no longer carries the ring of deceit I lovingly gave her so long ago.

Have you ever wondered what where you thinking to have married and/or be with your ex?

Eggs and Tortillas with Enrique

Been a few weeks since I've sat down in front of this so-called journal of mine.

Still debating with myself on whether or not I am going crazy...

My therapist told me that it is a good start, and encouraged me to continue, so here I am. I was also reminded that taking off my wedding ring would help in the process of healing my deep rooted anger at the outcome of the marriage. I still disagree, there is no deep rooted anger at the marriage, just at the cum guzzling gutter slut that I used to share a bed with. I will continue to wear it because I believe in what it represents, until a judge gives out the decree that the facade, the game, the mockery of the sanctity of this marriage is over.

As I write, the words of my therapist ring in my ears...

Think positive...

Think positive...

I am sitting here enjoying the best part of the day with the meal whose precise packaging cannot be compared to any other, breakfast cereal. Here in my new apartment, sitting on the floor, using a moving box as my table, I realize that I stand alone in my quest of obtaining my 7th consecutive employee of the year award. An accomplishment unparalleled by anyone else in the company, and can only be compared to......well, nothing. Nothing is of this magnitude.

Everyday, people young and old who need their sugar and fiber fix need me, they turn to me in their time of need to feast upon the most important meal of the day. I may not make the cereal they are shoveling into their mouths, but more importantly, I oversee the packaging of that cereal. Without my careful guidance and direction, it would not reach the public for all to enjoy. Without me, kids would be malnourished, the elderly would have problems with their digestive tracts, adults would have lost memories of Saturday morning cartoons, the transportation and food stores unemployment rates would soar....yes, without me, my fellow Americans would suffer.

Sitting here, I can't stop thinking about what has happened. Me, a packaging manager extraordinaire, respected by all, being dumped for a simple third world junk dealer. The wretched witch says he is an exotic antiques dealer, like that is to make me feel better, whatever, to me he is a real life Julio Fuentes, Fred Sanford's neighbor.

While I am enjoying this tasty cereal and all of its deliciousness that was packaged to perfection under my watchful eye, I hope Jenny is choking on her eggs and corn tortillas with Enrique.

Mephistopheles and the Chamber of Facebook

Here I am.

Alone in my new apartment writing to a blog.

Am I going crazy?

6 months ago Jenny, my wife, left me for some Latin twat named Enrique. I've been going to counseling and my therapist advised me to start journaling my thoughts, feelings and my experiences I'm going through. I'm not one to keep a personal diary so I thought I would try out this blog thing finally. I hope those that find this blog can relate and realize you're not the only one out there suffering. Whether you are male or female - hope this blog helps you through your difficult times.

My therapist also thought it would be a good idea for me to remove my wedding ring. Unfortunately it won't come off due to its deep rooted commitment and spite. I also believe in the sanctity of marriage unlike my deceiving, lying, knife me in the groin communist wife. She stopped wearing her treacherous ring of lies while we were still living together.

Anyways, a little about myself. I have 3 wonderful children, Katie who is in High School, Betty who is in Jr. High, and Becky who is in elementary. The girls are with Mephistopheles most of the time which leaves me with a lot of time to bask in the glory of my 6 year running Employee of the Year Awards. 8 more months and I break the all time record for my company. Like my therapist says, I need to focus on all the positives I can, and lets be honest, employee of the year is pretty freakin amazing.

Yesterday, I received some interesting texts from my sister asking if Becky was starting soccer on Friday. I took a small break from working towards my 7th straight employee of the year award to text back, "What are you talking about?"

My sister who has Jenny on her facebook friends list took her time in writing me back, "It's all over Facebook, she enrolled Becky into soccer, it starts this Friday and she is going to be a soccer mom now."

What the...??? Becky was never into soccer. What, now the loser Enrique has convinced one of my little angels to play his socialism bullshit sport? Are you serious? Soccer? That is for poor children in Latin America that use a rock for a ball and a hole in the ground for a goal.

How is it that all of Facebook knows what my own daughters are doing before I even know? I, her amazing 6 year in a row employee of the month, father? How is that possible? It's bullshit.

I hope Jenny gets ghonnerea in her whore mouth and dies.